


柔らかさ (Tenderness)

by fluteandguqin



Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 魔道祖师 | Módào Zǔshī (Cartoon)
Genre: Chronic Pain, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Yi City Arc, Yi City fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25261615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluteandguqin/pseuds/fluteandguqin
Summary: Xue Yang was used to dealing with the pain in his hand all alone. Why must Xiao Xingchen always try to take care of him?
Relationships: Xiǎo Xīngchén/Xuē Yáng | Xuē Chéngměi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 115





	柔らかさ (Tenderness)

**Author's Note:**

> got the idea [here](https://hanguangjunsguqin212.tumblr.com/post/623358048359088128)

Xue Yang was used to it.

After a particularly long day, a fight or a night hunt, his hand always hurt. He was used to dealing with it by ignoring it. Going to sleep, hoping it passed by the morning.

Some days were worse than others. Some days, Xue Yang curled up, holding his hand to his chest, biting the inside of his cheek.

He could hardly do that with A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen around.

Not only that, but there were things to be done around the house still. Once everything was done, once the two of his housemates were asleep, Xue Yang would have his peace to be in pain silently.

Now, Xiao Xingchen and him did share a bed, but Xue Yang was sure that as long as Xiao Xingchen was asleep, he could sneak out of the bed without the other noticing.

It was deep into the night when Xue Yang dared move, sure that Xiao Xingchen was asleep.

At that point, Xue Yang was shaking. It happened sometimes. It wasn’t a big deal.

Xue Yang tiptoed out of the house. Outside, he hid in a corner of the courtyard, crouched down, held his hand to his chest and opened his mouth in a silent scream.

It was fine. It was just a bad day. Xue Yang knew it would pass.

It would pass…

“Who’s there?”

His eyes snapped open. He didn’t dare move a muscle, his entire body tense. He held his breath. Perhaps if he didn’t let out a sound, he would trick Xiao Xingchen into thinking that he had imagined whatever he had heard.

How had he even heard him? Xue Yang made sure to be very quiet, not to wake up the two.

“I know you’re there,” Xiao Xingchen spoke in that gentle tone of his. When he spoke like that, Xue Yang crumbled, overwhelmed with the need to be honest.

And yet, he remained still. Because this was the one thing Xiao Xingchen absolutely couldn’t find out about. He would exaggerate it. He would make a big deal out of it. Xue Yang couldn’t let that happen.

Footsteps. Xiao Xingchen was approaching. Xue Yang closed his eyes.

The footsteps got closer.

Closer.

Something brushed Xue Yang’s hair. Soon, there was a hand on top of his head.

Xue Yang opened his eyes and raised his head.

Xiao Xingchen was smiling. “Found you.”

Xue Yang swallowed. “Good job,” he said in as casual a voice as he could muster.

Xiao Xingchen sat down beside Xue Yang. “So. Why are you out here?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Xue Yang said. Technically the truth.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?”

Oh Xingchen. Why must you make this so difficult.

Xue Yang looked at the sky. “The full Moon. It was keeping me awake.”

Xiao Xingchen was silent. “You know I can tell you’re lying, right?”

Xue Yang deadpanned. “No, you can’t.”

“I can. Your voice, your breathing…” Xiao Xingchen reached out, briefly pressing his hand to Xue Yang’s chest. “...your heartbeat. All dead giveaways.”

When he touched him, Xue Yang’s heart only beat faster. What had happened to him? He used to be a good liar.

“You’re shaking,” Xiao Xingchen added. “What’s going on?” Perhaps he did it out of sympathy, but when Xiao Xingchen tried to touch Xue Yang’s hand, he tugged it away, pressing it once again to his chest.

“Please…”

Xiao Xingchen’s voice pierced through Xue Yang’s chest. Xue Yang knew he meant well. But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t tell him.

“It’s nothing.”

Xiao Xingchen was quiet for a minute. “I’ll stay with you.”

Xue Yang sighed. He looked at his hand. It hurt, and it was getting horribly difficult keeping it together. “If I tell you, will you go back to sleep?”

“With you, I will.”

It wasn’t ideal, but perhaps Xue Yang would be able to convince Xiao Xingchen to leave him on account of his honesty. Xue Yang pushed the words out, “It’s my hand. It hurts.”

Xiao Xingchen nodded. “Give me your hand.”

“Why?” Xue Yang asked carefully.

“Trust me.”

Hesitantly, Xue Yang did as told. Xiao Xingchen’s hands were warm. At first the way he pressed down on Xue Yang’s hand hurt. His eyes filled with tears, a fact that made him furious.

Xue Yang hiccuped. “It feels numb.”

“It’s okay. Be patient.”

Xue Yang tried to be, though it had never been his strongpoint. He bit his bottom lip, trying to stifle his whimpers.

“You don’t have to hide, you know. If you need help, you can tell me.”

Xue Yang didn’t let go on purpose, but when Xiao Xingchen said this, a tear rolled down his cheek.

Xue Yang shook his head, but said nothing. He hated this. He hated being so vulnerable in front of anyone, let alone someone like Xiao Xingchen.

Whatever Xiao Xingchen was doing though, it eased the pain. His hand was still numb, and his fingers twitched awkwardly when he tried to move them, but it wasn’t as unbearable.

“Better?” Xiao Xingchen asked.

“Yeah…” Xue Yang was in a hurry to take his hand away from Xiao Xingchen’s hold. He went back to holding it against his chest.

“The pain will be back, you know,” Xue Yang whispered. “It hasn’t stopped in years, I see no reason why it would stop now.”

“I know,” Xiao Xingchen said. “But when it does, you can come to me. I’ll help.”

Xue Yang thought that he was choking. “You always try to take care of me like I’m weak.”

“It’s not because I think you’re weak. I don’t think that of you. It’s more brave to ask for help than to suffer in silence.”

Xue Yang winced when Xiao Xingchen rested his hand on his shoulder. Xiao Xingchen was quick to apologize and retreat.

He was too gentle. Xue Yang had the urge to run from that feeling, from the comfort that Xiao Xingchen provided. But it was everywhere, in Xiao Xingchen’s entire being.

As if reading his mind, Xiao Xingchen said, “You don’t have to run. You deserve gentleness.”

Xue Yang hugged his knees. “I don’t like being taken care of.”

To Xue Yang’s surprise, Xiao Xingchen chuckled. “I know, love. I can tell.” His smile faded and his voice grew more sorrowful as he said, “It’s because people have rarely shown you kindness.”

Xue Yang stayed quiet. He couldn’t speak.

“Will you let me show you kindness?”

Xue Yang still had the urge to run. But when he unwound, when he allowed Xiao Xingchen to take his hand and lead him back inside; when he let Xiao Xingchen wrap his arms around him and hold him as they drifted off to sleep; Xue Yang thought, _ maybe this isn’t so bad after all. _


End file.
